its not stalking. its research.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
