I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
