Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
