Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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