i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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