I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
