Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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