I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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