8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Panties = found
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
