I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
