Swine flu. Run for my life!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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