HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
