So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
