We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
