1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
