fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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