can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
