We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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