burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
