Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
