Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
