I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
