i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize