Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
