Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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