I'm eating all of the evidence.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
