Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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