Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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