So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
