Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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