see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
