I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
