you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
