ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
