if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
