Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
