I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
