i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
