he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
