A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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