Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The Olympian is in my bed
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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