I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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