I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
