I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
