I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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