i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
