I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he just fucked me for my cheese..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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