I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
