So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
