I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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