I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sext me about skeletons
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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