I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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