im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
