My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
