I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just found puke in my bra..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
