508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
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She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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