The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
