oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
