i wish there were pregnant emoticons
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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