last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
