Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
