My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
