you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
