Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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