Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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