nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
