The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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