I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
