he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I currently don't understand fingers.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
