You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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