honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
