worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
