I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
